Yep. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. Sleeping with someone so soon after a breakup? How does your law make this fair? He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently) But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. April 9, 2012, 5:19 pm, Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. TOTALLY USING THAT. I gave him a green flag to make his decision and let him off the hook for any and all care and support, so long as such decision was irrevocable. I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. female Personally, I wouldnt. He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. She got pregnant. If the woman is not required to support a child Unless youve been there, you dont know. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. He says he cant stand her? The baby will be due right in the middle of the semester. You mean, he should decide whether or not he leaves a kid constantly yearning for attention theyll never get? Chuck Pelto Hes a real winner. 2. bittergaymark I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them. Its like the universe is all conspiring against us! To everyone. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. No, honey, I am not and I dont believe HmC is either. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. And good for you limiting your preconceived notions to the entire female gender instead. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. She still doesnt get it, but we tried. I really only mean exactly what I said. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). Also, he seems willing to abide by the laws. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. No it isnt. We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. Add your answer to this question! Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. Problem. That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. Like getting child support is easy. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. And without condoms?! Hey I have a novel idea. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. Not a double standard at all. I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. I agree with all of this. Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. You are too funny John. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. James Felix Even if she was taking it appropriately (same time every day, no antibiotics interfering, etc), it still isnt 100% effective. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. Life is unfair. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. That wont solve anything. Really, people. Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . He doesnt want anything to do with her? We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. And whether you think its fair or not that the woman gets the final say on whether to abort or not and the father has to live with that decision, it doesnt matter. Please. Grow the fuck up! And the world goes round. I had no idea most women hated it. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. Oh, good lord. But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. This dude barebacked some girl, knocked her up, demanded she abort, and then said he wouldnt take responsibility for his child. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. April 9, 2012, 10:46 am, Im not even sure how to address this letter, so I guess step by step is a good way to go. But, in that case as well I would have told the woman to make sure in the future she better protected herself. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot? It could fail. SpaceySteph Its all the adults running away being irresponsible, generally stupid, and downright insane that make this situation such a mess. Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. Why do you think that is? But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. The outlet revealed that Tristan's third child, a baby boy, is due on December 3 . Therefore, why are you depressed? Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. I had no idea. He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! They are babies. While I stand by my statements about this woman being a total idiot, etc., and the fact that I dont think anyone was calling him scum for having sex with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend, I will say that I agree with the idea that its unfair for guys that they have no say in keeping or aborting but will be on the hook for child support even if they wanted the mother to have an abortion. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. my boyfriend & i have been together for over 2 years (2y 5m to be exact) & i found out i was pregnant about a month ago & at the time i must've been maybe about 2-3 weeks pregnant. Thank God for the real men. thats just dumb. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. Again, this was the perfect time to walk away, and end it with him. He said while I was away he tried to get over me with someone else and now shes pregnant with his son. So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). Does that make him an asshole? Whatever. Understand that he will not leave her for you. Or is it Dear Wendy gender wars where the men stick together to excuse bad behavior of men while the women cry foul? Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? P.S. Now? And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother).. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. But again the adoption makes that all moot. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . When he chose to bust a nut in a stranger he took on that risk. I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. However, since the pregnant ex of the LWs ex seems to want the child and seems to know the guys take on it, it is apparently her decision to bring a child into that reality. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Dont like the consequences? By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. She trapped him? The Story Behind Every Song On U.S. Girls' New Album honeybeenicki Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. Painted_lady If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. Its none of your business. datechguy Either_Coconut 3 mo. And since shes the one with the baby in HER uterus, theres not a whole lot you can do to force her to have the abortion or stop her from doing so. Cut your losses and get the hell out. But he SHOULD want to be involved in his childs life. I just dont see why thats ok but its not ok for the guy to essentially do the same thing but then have to pay. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? April 10, 2012, 9:36 am. Let him go. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b.