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Both verbal and written consent was obtained. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? I never expected to be a second wife. What it's like to be in a polygamous marriage? Muslim Malaysians share Over breakfast her husband told her something that would make any woman choke on her toast: he wanted to take a second wife. No British Muslim man has the 'right' to a second (or even third) wife Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. Causes and Consequences of Polygamy: an Understanding of Coping Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. What are the advantages of being a 'second' wife in Islam? As - Quora She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. Mrs. Gulzar said "I had no option other than to make a compromise and accept co-wife because of my female kids. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. What's it like being a second wife in Malaysia? 4 sobering realities Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. Second marriages are like that. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. The surprise is this: when the moment comes, the man jumps with alacrity. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? She was living with her in-laws and never allowed her husband to live with his second wife in the same household. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Polyandry | marriage | Britannica Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. PostedNovember 5, 2012 Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. There is polygamy in Russia, and here is how it works I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". Advantages And Disadvantages Of Polygamy - Bscholarly Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. When people. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Go figure. The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. Current Psychology. She was a nurse and divorce. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. What Term Describes Your Relationship: Polygyny, Polyamory, Monandry? 6 Truths About Being A Second Wife | Psychology Today Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. In a previous study by the perceived advantages of polygyny included sharing house chores and child-rearing similarly in the present study most of the polygamous women were reported particularly the infertile women helped the co-wives to bring up their children as well as daily household activities. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. Mrs. Arslan told that she was shocked when she came to know about her husband's affair. I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. 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Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. She had only one daughter. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me."