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Accepting Islam and pronouncing the words known as the Shahada or testimony of faith, (I testify La ilah illa Allah, Muhammad rasoolu Allah.[3]), wipes a persons slate clean. Hence it is very important to make it clear that we cannot even say uff to them. I don't mean to rain don on you, but to encourage you to see your possible conversion as something that must start with acknowledging what you are missing in your life and whether you can be obedient to Allah (swt) even when it is not convenient. I am a 28 year old female who, unfortunately, feels dead inside due to all the restrictions my parents place on me, their manipulative behaviour towards me in order to control my every move and thought, and due to the difficulty we are presented with in being normal people whilst doing our best to please not only religious requirements but cultural ones too. Maybe because we try to uphold the status of parents in Islam, or maybe because nearly all cultures of the world place a serious importance on respecting parents. The secret lies in the purity of the shahada itself and the frame of mind. Allah hath been a watcher over you. (Verse 4:1), 6. Now it still is true that the Quran specifies that the child must respect and honor their parents, regardless of their behavior, but it does not say anywhere the child must submit to abuse. Surah Al-Baqarah 2:268. My husband is cheating on me with no remorse, what should I do? WebThis study builds on previous research regarding parent-child religious conversations to explore the transactional processes of these conversations. Always dua for them after performing prayer. My suggestion is that if you are truly sincere about converting to Islam, then you should go ahead and do it, not for the sake of your boyfriend's mom, but for the sake of Allah. Visiting a parents home is mandatory for every child. If one's parents are virtuous, however, it is necessary to respect and obey them. on a lighter note, dress appropriately but dont over do it. I can appreciate this article and hope there are more blog posts in the future on this site and others alike about the struggle we have nowadays with trying to lead Islamic lives in todays society whilst also being dutiful trophy children. So I want to ask whether or not Islam excuses abusive parenting? But the Quran in no way condones abusive behavior from any person, especially not to a vulnerable person such as a child. The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam has said in his hadith. Webdominic leone parents; why did sobel court martial winters; 701 n lincoln st, elkhorn, wi 53121. marion jones husband, obadele thompson; why did jolene blalock quit; talking back to parents in islam. Browse other questions tagged, Like any library, Islam Stack Exchange offers great information, but, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site. The reason I ask is because you need to understand that a Muslim man would not use this instance to draw enmity between you and his mother. Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them, twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women. I am constantly looking after her. For example, in the Testaments, pork is forbidden and if you consumed it as a Christian, then you sinned in your previous religion. In Islam, parents and children are bound together by mutual obligations and reciprocal commitments. Nobody talks about our rights as sons and daughters and I hope to see someone, anyone, start that conversation on a huge level in the near future. Understanding that he made this decision from a place of love helped me be able to rationally defend myself instead of rebelling. What about when they ask us to do ridiculous things? The aya indicates we as Muslims are required by Allah to help the oppressed in whatever way we can. Is a PhD visitor considered as a visiting scholar? But, should it not also be vice versa? just say the shahada , inshallah you will never regret.thats 100% for sure. In the Quran, Allah stresses the importance of the mother's responsibility in parenting children. Help me. She doesn't want to meet me but he says she's going to have to so I can explain my side. This prayer was said by Prophet Ibrahim when he was quite old. I love you as my parents and I want you to know that she can be your daughter, too. With best wishes, Webbrown's semantic relations examples; gfstc new records management; call to worship for trinity sunday; sansa stark kidnapped fanfiction; kenzo flower perfume gift set You see, when you sin in Ramadhan, you must make up the fast, feed the appropriate number of poor people and make amends for the disobedience to Allah (swt). Talking behind patients' back to their doctor when they don't like it. rev2023.3.3.43278. It's not common for a mother to oppress her child and hence we apply the general ruling of oppression in dealing with such a mother. Below here Allah says in the Quran. Make happy parents do not have to be with the material, but enough with the treatment and good attitude that pleases them. If there is any shortcoming or misunderstanding of my post, I apologize in advance. Treat them well: "When We took a pledge from the Children of Israel: Worship no one but Allah, do good to your parents (2:83). Children are vulnerable and their parents are responsible for their actions. So we must ask, what is that test in the face on conversion? He even had to take his clothes off because the mother wanted back all the luxuries he was enjoying because of her. [Sahih Muslim (2558)]. O mankind! Again it resides in intention and that is why the new revert/convert would seek forgiveness of past deeds, done privately to Allah (swt) in their heart. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! 6.Not listening to trouble-makers who try to cause problems between a man and his family, or who hate to see a family united, for they are malicious gossips who commit major sins. Due to I shouldnt have bothered. For now, we will know exactly what rights are obtained by parents after their children have worked and married? Children usually end up not caring about their parents' wishes and not listening to them despite the parents' mercy and patience towards the children. I am a new mother so I know what I am talking about. Allah (swt) please forgive me, because there is no god, but You.". And he will have failed who carries injustice. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination., In a hadith narrated by Abdullah, he asked the Prophet (saw), Which deed is the dearest to Allah? He replied, To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times. I asked, What is the next (in goodness)? He replied, To be good and dutiful to your parents, , My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small. (. In conclusion, we should understand that human interactions, especially within families, does get really complex sometimes, but as Muslims who are committed to strengthening the ties of kinship, dealing with toxic parents is a test from Allah (swt). Maybe the Imam at your local masjid? There is usually a lot of generational gap between us and our parents, and this may affect communication between us. So me and him have been together for almost 2 years; like I said, we fell in love hard to the point were we talk about marriage and kids. Maybe he is hesitant for whatever reason, but it's not a genuine excuse to commit a sin when Allah (swt) has given him the means to marry you and through that, he could have taken every day since as a blessing and a way for the both of you to worship God through your marriage. MAY ALLAH SUBHANO WATA ALA make situation easy for both the parties.We shouldnt use word toxic .It is shaytan that make different situation tough in different relations.ALLAH SUBHANO WATA AALA make everything easy to carry on,so seek HIS help.Children should try to understand,their parents,try to correct themselves,so there can be some easy way out,to tackle the situation.Prayer and patience in tough situation. Web. Accepting Islam does indeed wipe out everything that And whats better for you in the Sight of Allah, not marrying and falling into sin? Even saying uff to our parents is inappropriate. You see how that's so different from what you have now? It may be that this toxicity that you are experiencing is not because your parents are bad people. Allah is making children conscious of their parents sacrifices esp those of the mother's. C.Suggest him to talk his parents down. The obligation of treating ones parents with kindness and respect is not confined only to Muslim parents; they should be honoured in this way even if they are I'm sorry if this presumptuous of me, but I think that since he hasn't been honest with them, perhaps he isn't being totally honest with you, too. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Please think about what I'm about to say to you in all sincere consideration, as you need to separate your possible conversion from this relationship. azislam.com -All Right Reserved. We can recite a dua for them so that this happy news can be accepted by them, as in this following hadith. Mother will not let me become a commerical pilot because I am a girl! So as much as you may hate them for the abuse, you still are expected to be grateful and be dutiful towards them and treat them with kindness in return (as two wrongs don't make a right). I have heard different rulings on this and the situations in which it is interpreted. Let this mother see my love for You. Pray for the salvation of parent who dies. I am all for making parents happy with regards to who you make their daughter in law, but many people are trailed by Allah with hard-headed, biased, unreasonable racist parents. And the man he addressed as father was not his real father, but his uncle, who had reared him. As a child, A.Suggest him not to reply impolitely to his parents. In this counseling answer: You can advise your parents with respect and politeness, using non-accusatory language. For that I apologize, but the way I always understood fasting was to completely abstain from all major and minor sins with the proper intention of such to keep fast. Sometimes, parents are only adults who are also trying to figure out Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. of the covenant it will be asked. (Verse 17:34), This following hadith below tells about a child who asks his parents for permission to fight for jihad. Below here is the following hadith. Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. But rather than rebel and respond with more negativity, there are ways that a Muslim child can bring such parents around, or at least cope with them. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. That said, despite the abuse, your parents showed mercy to you while you were helpless as a baby. If any one of them or both of them reach old age, do not say to them: uff (a word or expression of anger or contempt) and do not scold them, and address them with respectful words [17:23]. As a result, it is apparent that both of his parents were devout Christians and monotheists. Communication is important when dealing with toxic parents and we need to be able to have conversations that challenge the negativity that they are putting in our lives. or, marrying and guarding yourself from major sins? (I use the car) -rent? Salmu'Alaykum To Those Who Follow the guidance. But my concern is I've met this guy, he is Muslim, at work. First of all, abusive behavior falls under the category of oppression. Instead, whatever sin you committed that does not contradict Islam, you must seek forgiveness for as you committed a sin being a Christian, but disobeying it's tenets. i.e., all that has passed, in general terms, is forgiven. You won't be held accountable for not previously fasting, the 5 daily prayers and Islamic tenets, however. Some parents go as far as to say they would disown their child if they married someone they didnt like, If thats the case then id call it emotional blackmail. Or a respected uncle who can mediate with your parents? The Islamic Sharia has prescribed certain matters wherein it is necessary to obtain the permission of both the parents. Parents are also entitled to get word from their children, especially if children live far apart from parents. Professor X, you've given much excellent advice here as usual, but there are a couple of things I need to correct. Backbiting is permissible only for valid reasons approved by Shari`ah. These reasons are as follows: It is permissible for an oppressed person to s It is an interjection rather than a term that expresses the individual's dislike for his or her parents. Allah says (what means): And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. ", "Allah (swt), I'm taking this seriously, but this man should marry me and honor me. WebYes parents are to be respected, but not all parents are good parents. I Converted to Islam: How to Tell My Parents? Should parents not be expected to understand their children and put themselves in their childs shoes? If the the young woman consults with her alim/imam perhaps that is all that should suffice. (73) And who say: Our Lord! B.Suggest him to refuse to talk to his parents. Lastly, I will address your questions as the end, but I will modify them to show you a different perspective. The children who have the right to work to help parents. That what resides in the heart at the time of shahada is seeking forgiveness and a desire to repent of the past life. Getting good treatment A child, especially married, you should still treat parents well. But if they cease, then lo! Look specifically that the first hadith you have given and it says, "slave's repentance," which is expressing remorse as caution in light of the second part of the verse. Should I wear a hijab? One thing that disappointed me about your post is that you say you "did Ramadan," but the month is not to partake in half piety and half sin.